Thats the story

5/9
So remember when I said a change was brewing. Well, could have said... Mark my words. The news is
We're Expecting!
and I always follow it up with Holy *^$@!
Waves of joy, anxiety, overwhelming awe, giving way to anxiety again.
Whats to be anxious about?
1. stretch marks
2. Will I feel claustrophobic with a huge belly
3. I have a person depending on me for life
4. I'm building a person. I've never done that before. Will I do it wrong?
5. Its coming out of where? Oh MY!!!
6. So many decisions... a whole new world to think about
7. $$$$$$$

5/11
Just made a toad in a hole for lunch. Its when you have half a bagel and put an egg to cook in the middle. I ended up under cooking it and it was runny... well a lot runny and it totally made me feel nauseous! Blech. Yuck! Ewwwwe!
Had my first hormonal cry break today. Was on the phone with my mom and after we hung up I just felt overwhelmed and had to cry big fat tears. The feeling passed and then all was well.
Feeling tired. Just read a blog from a woman who has had three miscarriages around week seven. I'm only at week five now so that made me feel... scared.

5/17 (six weeks)
Woke up feeling queasy today. No doubt I need to drink more water and improve the quality of food I'm eating. I ate a lot of heavy food over the past week and I think my kidneys are having trouble filtering which leads to nausea. I'm about six weeks along. Feeling tired and wondering if others can tell by looking at me. First pair of work pants put back in the closet today. Unable to button them. Luckily I have looser pairs to move into thanks to my mom cleaning out her closet a couple months back and me snagging some essential pieces. Stepped on the scale. It was two pounds less than I thought it would be. I'm loosing weight instead of gaining. Weird. I've been eating like a champ. Tobias (as Jesse and I call our little one) must be packing it in. Seriously the quantity going in and out are not proportionate at all. This is not like anything I've experienced before. Also... the queasy went away after I had a banana and an egg this morning. Of note: I don't miss the taste of coffee but, I miss the morning ritual and smell of a freshly made french press full.
I'm noticing a heightened sense of being tense in dangerous situations. Specifically, driving. I have become hyper aware and hyper paranoid of accidents. Also, my body is physically rejecting food that might be dangerous like raw chicken and raw eggs. I've been trying to get in good sources of protein and the precooked form makes me feel blech. After its cooked much better. So my bodies protective mechanisms are in FULL ALERT!!! Survival of the fittest bread into my being now revealing this inner source of knowledge I had no idea was there.

5/20
Taught two cycle classes this week so far. I have one scheduled for tomorrow also. After my class last night I had some spotting which, really freaked me out!!!! But, everything I read said that is normal and today I called the ob office and they said that can happen after exercise and with dehydration. So I'm going to hydrate!!!! and chill out during my cycle class. Phew. I'm still concerned but I feel more at ease. This whole mommy thing can set off quite the alarm.

5/22
Just opened the fridge to get ingredients to make a breakfast smoothie that quickly turned to dry hurling into the sink. The best part is "I'm too sexy" was playing on the computer.