Gestation

I'm glad gestation period for humans is 9 months. There is a lot to prepare for or would it be better to be one of those women who don't know their pregnant until they're in the hospital for abdominal pain and out comes a baby. So much joy in the soul searching of becoming a parent, building a person within my body. But... what if the gift of life was granted without the worry of the unknown or the financial or other concerns that I've come to drift to in my journey to becoming "Mommy". I work daily to connect with those concerns and sift through their validity or myth. One of the continuing questions taught to my by Byron Katie... is it true? Do I know it to be absolutely true? Where would my emotions be without that thought my mind has conjured out of nothingness. Which in this case the nothingness which seeds these questions is rooted in my beliefs planted by society, peers, mentors, parents, entertainment. I've had many memories to discuss with siblings, questions for my parents about my childhood, questions to Jesse about his childhood. Internal seeking about my ability, rather, my capacity for love/loss, desire to continually let go and let life become something beautiful by being in the moment.

A wonderful guide in preparing has been a gift from a once met friend who was passing through from one country to another and we shared lunch with our mutual friend who is a wonderful Reflexologist. She left for me a book titled "Birthing from Within" by Pam England. I am only in the beginning of my journey but I have stumbled on several unknown fears already.

Through soul-searching
and listening more deeply
to the woman I was working with,
I finally understood that women
have to prepare for birth
in their heart and soul,
not in their head.
And that giving birth is something a woman does
in her body,
not in her head. - Pam England

Goes right back to one of my listed wishes for living life guidelines. Following my gut. Not my head. What I like is the emotional work the book is leading me through. I pick up the science books and feel bored... yeah yeah week blah then blah. I think its wonderful the stages that are happening but it doesn't give me connection or substance for this spiritual journey I am on. My job: to prepare a home, not just the physical aspects. To nourish a life, not just food.

Another pearl has been audio tracks through hypnobabies suggested by a chiro classmate of mine. So great at daily affirmations, exploring fears and creating confidence. (last weeks discovery)

All this and we're only 14ish weeks in. Phew.

It is a gift to look under the bed and discover the monster. For the monster lives in our minds and can give us the questions that answer what we need to make that next step into ourselves.


Sharing my journey connecting our lives. My heart to yours.
Heidi