Inner conversation

Heidi,
What a perfect day to play in the rain! As a child you loved jumping in puddles and getting muddy. My desire for sending you this song is that you find the music playful and it encourages a smile on your face or rhythm to your day. Its not a message for Africa as we both know I don't have insight or a base of knowledge for that. What I do have is joy to pass on the perspective of a light heart. Remember what Professor Rosch said about experiencing the life you have through a joyful heart. No physical change is necessary just an attitude adjustment.
Stop taking yourself so seriously.
Remember when you were a teenager and Mom would wake you up? You'd come down stairs and be in a foul mood because you'd stayed up to late talking on the phone. She would engage you in conversation... you would look at her and have fire and disgust and just a down right bad attitude. What would she say? "Heidi, go back to your bed and get up on the right side. You need an attitude adjustment!" You knew she was right. Stomping all the way back to your room. Well this is one of those moments. You are your own guide now. You're sick of studying this same material, you think its unfair, you feel disappointed at the results of the last test and I can feel you're about to throw yourself a fit and on and on your complaints go. Stop! Breathe! Be easy! Yes... some adults do still throw fits but, that doesn't change the outcome. A year from now it will all be in the past. Can you think of a year ago and what was going on then. Yet here you are placing one foot in front of the other just like everyone else. Instead be grateful for the opportunity, turn up the joy! Go play in the rain. Sing out loud. Dance like a fool.
Remember I love you. Always.
Heidi

Reflecting on my inner light. Trying to kindle further depth.
Knowing what I am is every moment leading to now.
Feeling the ocean like expanse of thought as I settle with the world creating me and me creating the world. The health of the earth nourishes my cells creating what I need and want to live. All I have and all I am is woven from the sustenance of the earth. Therefore, we are one.

You are not alone.

"What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we've learned as we've moved toward that dream. That's the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one 'dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon. Every search begins with beginner's luck. And every search ends with the victor's being severely tested."

- Paulo Coelho, from his best-selling book The Alchemist.

WOW!!! This struck me deeply when I read it today. So much so, I jotted it down in my journal and I've posted it here. I feel I need to keep reading it to get the full breadth and weight of the words to sink in my consciousness. Did I really stumble on this for chance... probably but it is meaningful so I'm going to rif off of it.
When Jesse got the opportunity to work at TCAs new campus in Raleigh we were both super psyched. I had been longing to be near my family and honestly... really despised the Indiana winters. There were two Heidi's summer and winter.
I kept telling my patients all the details that went into our choice and we would agree sounds like it was meant to be. So the beginners luck fits here. And so the story goes.
The task at hand: to show I have mastered the skills I need to realize my dream.
Sloughing off layers of sludge and soot accumulated to keep me in the holding pattern for my role I had created. Each layer needing pried off and scrubbed clean revealing liveliness, creativity, wonder and sometimes heartache.
This in between time as I am traversing my "desert" I have had an opportunity to go within and seek what emotional blocks are keeping me from growing, what I thought I had to have that I don't, love for what is. We end in a couple weeks after my literal test. I am confident this will mark the end of this chapter and will reveal the gifts of the next. I am not there yet but I have an optimistic spirit.
I take comfort in the words sited because it shows I am not alone in my pursuit. You are here too. Striving to realize your dream. Each of us working toward a life of happiness expressed in our individual way. Keep up the effort. Be you, unique, beautiful, comfortable in your skin and happy to be headed in the direction you are taking.
Love and light,
Heidi

Bikeride through Raleigh, NC

Enjoy life with adventures and new discoveries. :-)

The true worth of improving things is in the little achievements of the day

I was talking to my good friend Brenden earlier today. He finally stopped mid conversation and said "Stop setting yourself up for failure!"
He was referring to my muttering of concerns about the upcoming exam. I think I do this self sabotage for two reasons.
1. The thought of failure gives me the motivation to continue my studies with fresh energy. Allowing me a new way to inject joy into the process not the goal.
2. Each time I hear myself say it I have to realize it is a possibility.

HOWEVER, every author I am cherishing currently says taking away the second reason creates its inability to exist and if I keep thinking it it gives it energy to manifest.

Why do we set ourselves up for failure?

What about the cliche saying our biggest fear is that we are powerful beyond our imaginations.

Because.... it is difficult to wipe away our minds repetition. The power is in giving more energy to the desired outcome than the fear of the failure. My thought of being happy here living close to the coast and the mountains, our future as a family, my dreams of the future here. Versus not passing this current hurdle. Which is more powerful?

We/I/U must remember we are not our thoughts. Thoughts come and go as our moods do. If you don't pay attention to it and give it an action it changes.

"Its in the preparation for the exam not the exam itself." Which leads us back to the title of todays blog. The little improvements made throughout the day. The moments of giving more love. The choice for better nutrients entering your body. The choice to breathe life into a moment rather than take life from it. The true worth of improving things is in the little achievements of the day.

Whatever challenge you are facing today. No issue is too small. Make little improvements. (and remember you can't change someone else you can only change you. Your approach, your attitude, your thought pattern.)

Love and Light,
Heidi

Today

Today.... I am content. Content to be me.
This being in this space with these obstacles of love, obstacles of learning, of joy.
Today I observe and affirm by being in all that I am.

Light and Love.

Growing hair out

I'm ready to grow my hair out again.
This means I'm feeling more grounded in this space.
Every time I am shedding into a new skin I cut my hair off.
The first time was when my mom and sister took a trip without me. I know now they needed time together and it wasn't to exclude me but... that is how I felt. So when they were gone I drove myself to great clips (I was 16) and chopped my hair off. The next time was in chiropractic school during the last trimester as I knew all these wonderful friends, this sphere of learning and learning culture was coming to and end and we were going to scatter all over the globe. These friends there when I learned who I am at my very worst. They will forever be in my heart. The most recent was when we moved to Raleigh, I cut a little... then, Dink our dog died and I had to cut it off. It was weighing me down. It felt like a heavy winter coat in a warm summer day. I've recently learned that hair is said to be "Spiritually significant, hair is seen as shakti, life force itself, pushing out from our crown’s window, holding a record of our past existence." (Ashley Ludman) So I am validated in my urgent need to cut my hair during these times.
I am comforted in the gift of my wanting to grow my hair longer again. It means I am standing on firmer ground. I'll document my progress here. :-) I am taking extra enzymes to promote the hair growth. It contains ingredients which the body uses as building blocks for hair, skin and nails.
Love and light,
Heidi

Four weeks Four days

Four weeks Four days until the national board test. I found three new study material sources on chiropracticnationalboards.com. It looks very similar (if not identical) to what I already have but... fresh sources are always useful. Amazing how all this information has to be retained for 10 imaging questions. Truth be told my problem is over thinking it and not getting distracted by other findings on the film. It will be cases commonly encountered in practice, cases that have a contraindication to chiropractic care, and cases that require early detection to preserve life/health. So out of ten stations there are three categories.
Step one: ID the view
Step two: office motive
Step three: is their anything that stands out as abnormal
If yes: is it congenital or acquired
Step four: age/sex of patient

That will be enough to get me what I need to answer the rest of the test questions.

Oh... the places you'll go!
(physically and emotionally)

Musings from outdoor cafe

The weather is creating an explosion of people from their homes and offices! I love it! I decided to take my blog time outside today.
We are heading out of town this weekend. I am looking forward to a road trip. It will be the first one together since our move. Road trips last year consisted of driving to several study weekends, tests, and back and forth from Indiana visiting Jesse! So this will be a treat! I've gassed up the car and planned out the route.
On our trip we will be visiting heavy seas brewery. My husband is an AVID beer brewer and connoisseur. Before moving here one of the reasons he was excited was for all the new local brews he could experience. His ultimate love would be to become a master brewer at a brewery or have a burger and beer joint that supports local breweries. Anyway, it is nice to look for places to visit and different ways to experience a hobby like the craft brew scene. Its beers are very diverse and the crowd of people who you meet are very diverse, passionate and enjoyable.
If only I could get Jesse moderately interested in bicycling we could do brew and cycle tours and enjoy the bounty of the country side and the fruits of the earth in style. :-) I would love to share outdoor cycling with him but... you can't change a person you can only love who they are. The only person you can change is yourself and how you react to your world.
Light and love,
Heidi