Rainy day feelings

Several authors I'm reading lately have the belief that our feelings tell us where we're headed. They teach when we have a strong emotion to explore why, how... then in's and out's of what our body is trying to tell us with our "gut" reaction.
Some nights it is hard to sleep. Four categories come to mind in regards to sleeplessness. I'm sure you know these all too well. Relationships, money, career and health. Usually we do pretty well in two or three categories and we have a life long struggle with the other one or two. Perhaps the categories we lack in are the same story our family has been telling in that category for generations or the same story we've been telling ourselves our whole life.
Why do we retell the same stories of hurt and sorrow? Why do we allow our "loved" ones to keep us in the same patterns? I realize I have my family story and I too perpetuate the hurts we know as a family. I am working at releasing those energy blocks and boulders of negative self-talk to move through those blocks perhaps gracefully but, maybe not.
How is this done?
First off, when you retell the story of past pain over and over it lives again and reeks havoc on your body again and again. STOP telling the pain story. START telling your love story. (you have both... promise)
Secondly, don't put your relationships in a continual pattern. Assuming a person will act a certain way and planning for that response perpetuates the story that you don't want. Instead allow them the opportunities to show how they have expanded an grown since the memory of the hurt you blame them for.
Third and final, Lead with love and an open heart. We all have hurts. We all want approval and love. Filling the void you feel is your responsibility because if you don't love yourself no one else can love you. Happiness is a choice not a reaction to others.
I lovingly pass on these thoughts to you in hopes that you are sharing my journey through life in this moment.
Heidi
Making the choice to move closer to my family has put me right face to face with all that I chose to try to ignore. A sea of love greater than is palpable and a sea of hurt greater than I can imagine. Two sides to the same coin. So I return to the quote: Its better to have tried and failed then never tried at all.

Author Connie Domino writes:
"When you have sincerely invoked the Law of Forgiveness, you are releasing so much powerful energy that it will feel like a huge weight or boulder is being removed from your shoulders or neck. Now you will feel lighter and freer than you have in a while. Enjoy the lightness, the vibrancy and the freedom forgiveness brings."
Statement of Forgiveness
"I forgive you completely and freely, I loose you and let you go. So, as far as I'm concerned, the incident that happened between us is finished forever. I wish the best for you, I wish for you your highest good, and I hold you in the light. I am free and you are free, and all is well between us. Peace be with you." Adapted from Catherine Ponder

Change is brewing

I feel it. I'm not sure what is heading our way but... change is brewing. Its something I'm feeling on a cellular level. Its like I feel excited something is coming. Maybe its just a shift in my consciousness and appreciation for life. (Maybe its the coffee I drank!) Either way. Life is about feeling good. Feeling frisky. Spend a moment of time taking a deep breath and appreciating the abundance of life at your disposal. Consciously appreciating the little pleasures attracts more pleasure into your life. Law of attraction! So get out there and attract your wildest dreams of creating an abundant life.

Count down update

My exam is getting closer. I am determined to pass this with the score I need... a 475. I am ready to move on from this limbo of waiting to build the chiropractic practice up again. I miss, so very much, adjusting. I miss having a schedule of patients that I know and love who seek me to help them feel better. I am looking to this spring to bring my spring of renewal in my zest for my career and love for what I do with a piece of paper that I've rightfully earned. The date of the exam is May 13th and 14th. Six weeks and four days away.
I realize with all my heart what I am meant to do and I am ready to be able to continue providing a service here. May I put in the due diligence of the work that is necessary to achieve that reality.
Love to all.
Heidi
(struggles make us stronger... right?)

Plan

My plan for maximum understanding of the radiology for the exam in May is this.
1. Study normal projections and follow the steps of each projection given in the study sessions I went to last fall. This involves a step by step go to way of looking at the type of film. It makes sure the viewer does not miss a detail within the film which will hold a key to diagnostic interpretation. 2. Review a chapter in the radiology texts we are being tested on. There are about 12 chapters to look at from trauma to tumors etc...

Thus far today I've looked at the steps for chest and some extremities. Its slow going as my focus drifts and I study a little and then leave for a bit and come back to it.

I've gotten to the point where I don't feel afraid of the exam anymore. I have a plan for the due diligence. Now its all about execution. I do remember having the thought when I was in chiropractic school that maybe it would be a great idea to continue on and become a chiropractic radiologist. (that lasted for about... two days.) Perhaps if I had not created that thought/vibration I would have a different current story line.

During difficult periods of time I used to tell myself... "you're being prepared to do something wonderful in the world." I still believe this. However, I think of it on a smaller scale. Instead of taking the world (my world) by storm and shaking it up and watching where the pieces fall, I wish to approach it peacefully and with the purpose of serving, sharing, healing, caring where is needed. I cannot do what for you what you need for you and help you. I can share with you your ability to make your life what you wish of it. It is your responsibility to create your happiness.


Wherever you go... There you are. At the end of your life, will you have really lived?

Online learning

Just stumbled upon UC Berkely Webcasts! Listening/learning for free on line taking classes. This is great. The internet is a wonderful tool. Check it out. http://webcast.berkeley.edu

Picnic by the moonlight

The plan was a success! We ate our dinner outside (check), on a picnic table (check), and the moon was out (check). Its the little things. The location was a rose garden here in Raleigh that is within a mile of our apartment. The roses aren't in bloom yet but the moon was amazing. We had spinach salad with homemade lemon pepper dressing, bow tie, broccoli, and chicken pasta. For dessert... fresh pineapple.

I found myself feeling anxious before our new friends arrived. Checking, double checking, in my mind if I had forgotten anything. Maybe they wouldn't like it. Maybe we wouldn't have anything to talk about at dinner. Maybe... blah blah blah. These are the negative thoughts that can ultimately keep us from trying anything new or making new friends. None of those worries happened and if they did it would not have mattered. We (in general) are sooo worried about what other people think that we keep ourselves in a safe box and don't venture out. It hampers our happiness. So get out there and get imaginative and dream up an adventure even if its right in your own back yard!

aches and pains

I'd like to think my body is with me on getting back to our desired gravity pull. However, my knee is deciding to tell us to slow down. Quite alright as tonight is cycle class and in April I'm on the schedule to teach 2 or 3 classes a week.

Dear hubby and I have been running each night this week. (3 times) Our route is about 1.75 miles so not far and it doesn't take long at all. I know I'm sleeping better and am starting to see an improvement in how my jeans fit. My goal: get back into my khaki pants. I tried them on on Monday and I could not button the button comfortably and man the booty was really stretched. You know what I'm talking about.

I'm also trying to follow the S policy. No snacks, no seconds, no sweets except on days that start with S! Yesterday I slipped up. Went to the new whole foods and had a sweet snack! Two S's OH NO! Right back on the train.

In other news.. I am encouraged by the positive results we are getting at the office with the enzyme therapy work. Yesterday it was reported that the patient had more energy and felt her anxiety and depression symptoms were markedly improved! The best story to date still comes from the little girl who was able to smell flowers after her enzyme therapy regimen boosted her immune system and opened up her nasal passages! She came in and told me and both her mom and I cried. I love that story.

Cheers to you out there in the world.

Clearing the dust

Since my last post there have been a multitude of changes. Anticipated and not. I've relocated to Raleigh, NC. It hasn't been all peaches. Jesse asked me this morning.... if you could do it over again would you? I said "honey, don't ask me that right now. I don't want to hear the answer." I had to stop and think. and think. Finally I decided yes. If a do over was to be done I would in fact put us... (Jesse and I) through this move again.

Moving is hard. There have been many aspects that have improved and many that are going to improve. In the long run it will have been a great choice. In the short run... I feel like my engine is loosing gas at a faster rate than it is gaining. However, I am in the belief that gratitude is the answer to staying afloat. So I will now reconvene this blog today in hopes that adding this to my routine will be a hand hold through this rough road. The main stay that somewhere out there we will connect and my story will be in your heart and yours in mine because we are all in this world together.

Seven months into our location. First year starting a practice. Taking boards again to satisfy the states requirements for a higher score than the rest of the country. Not getting that score in the Fall. Thinking about starting a family. Being near my family that both nurtures and aches. Approaching the opportunity to retake the exam again. Making new friends.
Learning that I am worthy of love just being.

Then there are the feelings of Japan. What am I. Who am I. Why did this happen? What can we/I do? How will this effect us? our world? So much at once. What is the good in this situation? What is the positive light? Where are the uplifting stories? How can we ban together to get through this? Just Breathe.

I am not perfect. I am human.