I wrote this post when Fiona was four months old. I didn't publish it because it felt too... raw. Rereading it today makes me want to publish it because others out there might relate to it and know you're not alone and might receive some encouragement from it. Love and light
-Heidi

Since having Fiona I have been struggling with body image. Who I think of myself as being. Fit, powerful, healthy. What a couple of years.... . When we moved to NC my chiropractic license didn't transfer and NC had different requirements of which I didn't meet so I was left without a license. It took me almost a year exactly to make that happen. Losing my identity as a practicing chiropractic physician was.... hard emotionally. When meeting new people in a new place it is customary to always lead with---> "What do you do?" and my response.... "I'm a chiropractor by trade but I'm not licensed in this state yet." I know each person I revealed this to did not judge me. The truth is I judged me and that is what matters. I judged me over, and over, and over. Each time admitting this sent the dagger of defeat deeper into my wounded ego. What a lesson. Persistence. Release. Judgement. Depression. Hard work. Success. Finally getting past that hurdle. But, that is not what this blog entry is about.
This entry is about the struggle with my identity in my body. A body which grew a person. I struggled the most in first trimester and then am struggling now. Struggling with my new skin. My new lumps, bumps, stretches and clothing size.
I'm currently reading a book recommended by a new mommy friend called "Cinderella ate my daughter." Thus far it is discussing the point of our little girls all becoming princesses at a young age and how that translates into body image. (there is much more to it but this is the bare bones.) My point being... I was raised being a Princess. I am realizing now how much that part of me meant since I feel like I don't have it anymore. So here I am a 30 year old new mom and I stare in the mirror and the person that I am inside is not always the person I see reflected back at me. Yesterday when I looked, I looked lovingly at what I had earned. Seeing the battle scars for childbearing. Today I looked and felt sad longing to see the woman I left behind. Then as I talked with one of my patients this afternoon I said to her... "It is not about the scale. It is about how you feel. Your energy. Your sense of well-being. Your zest for life." Then I paused and after a moment... as she is looking at me wondering why I had paused. I said... "You know what. I need to listen to myself. I just took a moment to repeat what I am recommending to you to myself."
My life is about Love. I will make the conscious choice to love all that I am... and also what I am not for that is what makes me.... me. I hope you hear that voice in your head that tells you those not so nice things when you look in the mirror or don't make the grade and tell it to *@%$ OFF! I am here to bring joy to this life! I will choose accept the present moment and embrace it. We can't change what is and if I had the choice to be that woman I was before or who I am now I would not change it. However I can change how I view myself and the words I tell myself.

You must be your own biggest cheerleader because if you're not the other voices who are will just be drowned out.